This summer at Pike's Peak.
When I found out about my sister's illness, I was mad at her. I really didn’t even understand how it worked. I didn’t understand that
it was a chemical problem, I just thought she was being a wuss. So when my dad
told me we’d have to move to the States [from Berlin] I was really pissed. We’d
just settled in and now we had to leave. I felt like she was just using it
as an excuse to sleep in. It sounds bad but it seemed like she was using it to
her advantage as much as possible.
Fast-forward, we’re in the States and I’m still pissed at
her. Whenever you’re dealing with somebody with depression, you have to know
that walking away can be the best course of action. Sometimes it’s best just
not to argue. I didn’t learn this until recently and I wish I had known it long
before now. Sometimes the things that she says, like, “I hate you,” can sting
for a second, but then you realize that she doesn’t mean it and she’s not in
the right state of mind.
When she’s on medication, it can seem to be worse. Sometimes
she’s really sleepy and refuses to get out of bed, sometimes she’s practically
bouncing of the walls and won’t stop talking/singing. She might be laughing
with me one second and snap and start yelling the next. But I always think to
myself just to walk it off, and yelling won’t do you any good. I seem to always
end up yelling back. It’s really frustrating, but I earnestly try. It’s always
a pain, but it’s worth it.
I’m trying to think of a good memory we share…
Back before she was sick, we used to have a lot of fun
playing Playmobil. We used to play for hours with these intricate set ups of
castles, villages, cities and it was awesome. Obviously we don’t do that
anymore, but we still have fun talking. We do that a lot. I’m glad that
considering everything, we’re still friends.
